Monday, December 19, 2012
The trains tend to be pretty empty in the middle of the afternoon, which is why that is my favorite time to travel. I love to look out and see what I can see, sometimes I make notes in my journal. This time I admit I was half 'seeing' and half 'vegging' out... pondering the past few days and savoring the wonderfulness of it all.
Then, when we were nearly to Reading, suddenly, I 'noticed' a sign I'd been looking past the whole trip
It said...
"How have you spent the last 20 years?"
"...And, what about the next 20 years?"
I have no idea what it was an advertisement for...
When it came into focus, I was sort of shocked and wondered how on earth I had managed to look right past it for practically the whole ride home...
and yet, it seemed almost to me like 'someone' was privy to my thoughts... because, the last twenty years or so was exactly what I had been thinking about... I had started out reflecting on the previous few days... but somehow, ended up going back in time. I think it was perhaps the similarity of the Small Barn at Bore place to Lillian's barn space in Jericho that made me look backwards... or, maybe subconciously I saw the sign?
If I had to pick one word to describe the last 20 years, (and it would be very difficult to pick just one word, I love them so...) i'd probably have to choose "bittersweet".
The first thing I think of when I hear the word, is chocolate. And, bittersweet chocolate is my favorite kind. So... am I saying my last 20 years was like chocolate?
Seems like it.
Research has discovered the health giving benefits of chocolate, with it's propensity for creating those mood elevating endorphins in our brains. And the darker it is... means it is all the more rich in critical antioxidants, something we all need more of!
Have you ever seen the movie "Chocolat"? Such a good movie... about choices... and acceptance... ... and loving people...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEzzbBc7Tw4
The other thing that comes to mind with the word bittersweet, is the plant. One I learned long ago (more than 20 years!) in my dendrology class at Kansas State University. American Bittersweet, Celastrus scandens, was given it's name by the European colonists because of it's similar growth habit and characteristics to the Bittersweet here in Europe, Solanum dulcamara, also called Woody Nightshade, and member of the Nightshade family, like potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, tomatilloes, paprika, chili peppers.
I didn't really mean to get into a lesson on plants right now.
The thing though, that strikes me most, is that darkness is part of or implied in both those things... and there was plenty of darkness in the last 20 years... Plenty.
And when you read that, you take that to mean, dark, in a "not so good" way. You are right to. That was what I meant.
These are a few definitions for "darkness" on the online dictionary that fit that line of thought...
Lacking or having very little light: Lacking brightness; Reflecting only a small fraction of incident light; Characterized by gloom, dismal; Sullen or threatening; Difficult to understand, obscure; Lacking enlightenment, knowledge, or culture; Exhibiting or stemming from evil characteristics or forces, sinister; Concealed or secret, mysterious.
I was shaken, and stunned more times than I wanted to be since 1991, I can tell you that. All the above definitions apply.
But of course, all of life was not darkness! Some form of sweetness always came following after the bitter. Admittedly. Sometimes it took considerable effort to find it. Sometimes I needed someone else to point it out to me... sometimes I needed a magnifying glass...
aaahhh yes... THERE it is.
One meaning listed for the word darkness in the dictionary, and my most favorite one, by the way, is this...
Having richness or depth.
That has a positive connotation, doesn't it.
I have been a little obsessed the last few years at doing artwork on a black or dark background. There is just something very appealing about it to me... the colors seem all the more vibrant and alive, the picture pops when little bits of the black show through.
I absolutely love it.
To me, that is a tangible example of what 'richness and depth' mean.
The darkness provides the contrast necessary for us to fully perceive and appreciate the beautiful thing before us...
Maybe the obsession to draw on black paper is me 'working it all out' in my heart and soul? Putting everything in perspective.
So. I guess ultimately I chose two words to describe the last 20 years, didn't I? Bittersweet and darkness. Three if you include chocolate. Lets. Raise your hand if you don't include chocolate in your life...
I suspected I couldn't choose just one word.
You probably did too, didn't you?
The sign on the train asked, "and what about the next 20?"
What about the next 20 years... Indeed.
For now, I am just looking ahead to the one in front of me... and moving forward into it with great JOY!
Very much wishing the same for you.
I made this for you. Have been waiting to get it scanned for a better image, but, just took a picture and think it will do!
Happy New Year!
love to you-
susie
I suspected I couldn't choose just one word.
You probably did too, didn't you?
The sign on the train asked, "and what about the next 20?"
What about the next 20 years... Indeed.
For now, I am just looking ahead to the one in front of me... and moving forward into it with great JOY!
Very much wishing the same for you.
I made this for you. Have been waiting to get it scanned for a better image, but, just took a picture and think it will do!
love to you-
susie
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